Deep Thoughts on Creative Ideas You Just Can’t Quit

Elizabeth Gilbert is such a vibe.

I devoured Eat Pray Love. The Signature of All Things is one of my favorite novels. I reach for Big Magic, her book on creativity, at least once a year. I even met her at a workshop she hosted in Philadelphia pre-pandemic. I’ll never forget when she placed her arm around me for a photo, then asked if I did 100 push-ups a day because of how strong my arm felt through my denim jacket. I remember giggling and sputtering something incoherent about how I do CrossFit but not actually lots of push-ups and I just have muscley arms I guess, hehe.

The progression of meeting Elizabeth Gilbert and her telling me I'm jacked lol

In Big Magic, Elizabeth Gilbert writes that creative ideas are always floating around us, waiting for a creator to take hold of it and make it a reality. It’s our job, as creators, to grasp onto an idea and not let it go. We must make a commitment to the creative idea and see it through, or else we risk the idea leaving us and finding someone else to collaborate with. She writes,

“This may vex you, but it really shouldn’t because you didn’t deliver! You didn’t show up ready enough, or fast enough, or openly enough for the idea to take hold within you and complete itself. Therefore the idea went hunting for a new partner, and someone else got to make the thing.”

I love and respect Elizabeth Gilbert so much, and she continues on to share that there have been plenty of ideas that have gotten away from her. I believe this sentiment to be true, and I’ve even experienced it myself. But I’ve realized that I’ve internalized this idea in a way that has had a negative effect on my spirit and my confidence. My inner dialogue becomes, “I can never finish anything. I’m flaky. I can’t commit because I’m not focused enough.” I get down on myself for not making time to write creatively, and I specifically beat myself up over one idea that continues to visit me every single year, for the past… I dunno, 10 or so years?

The creative idea that visits me is my adoption story. 

I was born in Asunción, Paraguay and adopted as an infant. I’ve written a one-woman show about being an adoptee, and have wrestled with another creative project that has been in and out of my life for the past five years. 

My creative idea arrives annually (always May), and it gently knocks on the door of my heart. It simply says, Hey, remember me? Are you ready to do this this year? Would you like to feel some feelings and write about them? Cause I’d love to be made into… something. I think.

It quietly sends me waves of emotion, random thoughts and tiny moments that make me remember certain things like, oh yeah, I’m Latina, or oh yeah, I reached out to my birth mom and a biological brother and they never responded to me. 

It hits me when I get averted eyes as the barista behind the bar says without making eye contact, “I’m sure I’m going to say this wrong… but we have… cholula hot sauce?” I sense her fear of making a mistake in front of me, like she’s going to offend me if she says cholula wrong as she hastily hands me my latte and breakfast tacos. 

I meet an adopted friend's biological sister, and their relationship brings me to tears as they both smile at the same time with matching faces. 

I get a visit from my own brother, whose face is the perfect blend of our parents. I’m floored by how similar his mannerisms are just like our dad’s. They live across the country from one another, yet I can clearly see he’s growing up to be just like him — his phrases, his movements, they’re one and the same. Genetics proudly on display. I marvel at them. I think because it’s completely not relatable to me. 

There is so much here. And I write. Or at least I try to, like right now. But then the inspiration leaves. It gets hard sticking with tangled thoughts and complicated emotions. I let the idea go and curse myself for being flaky. For not being ready enough. For not being fast enough. 

But then another year comes, and it’s the same process over and over again. Instead of being abandoned, the idea returns, like a loyal dog who loves unconditionally and without judgment. This creative idea is patient and kind. She says she’ll keep visiting me, as long as I’m open to it. She says I can take my time and that it’s ok to take things slow. She comes and goes, and I’m convinced that she will wait until I’m ready to make her come alive on the page, on stage, or wherever she’s meant to be. 

I’ve finally decided to be gentle with myself, taking my cues from the creative idea itself, because I actually do think this idea is mine and mine alone. There’s no need to fear that it will leave me because I’m not worthy of it. Sure, adopted people will write and share their stories in their own way and on their own time, but this one is unique to me. 

The phenomenon that Elizabeth Gilbert talks about is actually in my life right now. There’s currently a one-woman show being performed at a regional theater in my city that’s written and performed by an adoptee. It’s very clear to me that this was once my own dream—and I’m now seeing it made manifest by someone else. At one point, I could see myself being upset by this, and discouraged by my lack of follow-through. But now? I smile. The one-woman show idea found a creator! And I continue to push forward. I keep creating, I keep writing. There’s no need to fear. 

Let’s create from a place of bravery, and from a place of love. Pour open your heart, but do it with care. There’s no room for fear to lead in the creative process. Only love, my darling. Only love.

Hi friends!

Thank you, as always, for reading my work, and thank you to everyone who voted in the poll I shared on Tuesday. This essay is from the vault, (I wrote it about a year and a half ago!) and updated it with some small edits to bring it into the now. I was inspired to share it as National Hispanic Heritage Month started on the 15th, and have felt encouraged by readers to share even more of my writing :) Thank you for diving deep with me, and I hope this inspires you to be a lil more gentle with yourself, especially with your creative ideas! I know I need the reminder sometimes. Have a wonderful weekend!

xx, Kristen