Deep Thoughts On Perfectionist Vibes 💭
I'm ready to chat about With Love, Meghan! ✨
Ok, so…I wanna talk about Meghan Markle Sussex’s Netflix show.
But before I do, I want to preface that I literally don't understand all the hate she gets and that I was really excited to watch her show. A show about cooking and hosting and pretty things is quite literally a vibe I’m trying to create in my own life. Even though I’m not rich or a duchess, I can make a one pot spaghetti, I can put peanut butter pretzels in a little baggie with a label (tbh this is CUTE ok!) and I can make a honey lemon layered cake with raspberries on top if I want too.
But ok, I have to be honest with myself. And with you. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve finished it, and I’ve been having a hard time accepting my truth, or even pinpointing why I feel the way I feel. But I think I’ve come to terms and want to share.
I liked the show, but I didn’t love it.
And I think it was kind of boring.
Watching Meghan’s show was lovely in all the ways I wanted it to be lovely. Pretty food, good friends, more pretty food, more good friends… but as I continued watching, I eventually lost interest. In the food. In the friends. And I think I felt…bad about it? Like I don’t want to be another person dogpiling on top of this woman because she doesn’t deserve it. I would love to be friends with her and hang and eat crudite, like that would be a dream.
But I wanted to love her show so much because this is a vibe I’ve been embracing all year. I want to make good food for my friends, and I have! And I’ve enjoyed it. But something about the sheen of Meghan’s show that is so prevalent in many of the lifestyle creators I follow leaves me wanting more. I know this is not what the show was about—but I would have loved to dive below the surface of her ladybug toasts. Into her why. Into her story. Into her heart.
It’s no secret that I myself am in my content creator era this year. I’ve started sharing my Instagram posts at the end of these Substack posts, and it’s been quite the adventure stretching my creative muscles—writing here and creating content on top of the writing I do for work. But as I’ve been creating myself—I’ve felt a similar pull to shake off the glittery sheen that wants to be front and center and put more of myself into everything I do.
The me that’s messy.
The me that has no idea what they’re doing.
The me that’s figuring things out as I go.
I’ve written about perfectionism before and how embracing it instead of fixing it has been revelatory. I believe in my heart of hearts that this is true, and that my perfectionism is a part of me (she’s a Virgo rising, folks). But I also believe that part of being a perfectionist is eventually getting sick of my own bullshit. As in, very clearly seeing the need to control things, then offering myself the opportunity to let loose, release control and get a little messy. Maybe even a lot messy. But this is the loop I find myself in time and time again, so why not embrace it? And I find myself currently in the “let’s get a little messy” phase, so here goes nothing.
I have proudly stated that I’m in my Ina Garten era this year (and I am!) because her memoir changed my life (it did!) but I haven’t found the joy in cooking like I thought I would have by now. I love my secondhand Ina cookbooks (like I’m obsessed) but if I’m being TOTALLY honest, a lot of the recipes don’t inspire me. This makes me a little sad. But it’s also made me get more specific about the things I do love about Ina and the things that actually make me excited.
I loved reading Ina’s memoir because she’s an entrepreneur, because she chased a dream, because she followed her curiosity and her passion and turned it into an empire in a time where women didn’t really do that. That’s what I’m obsessed with. Also…
Ya know what I love most about her cookbooks? The dessert section. DESSERTS. I LOVE SWEET THINGS. But I haven’t given myself permission to play around with Ina’s desserts because, well… what are my husband and I going to do with an entire cake in our house other than eat it all, hahaha. It seems indulgent and a little excessive. But ya know what? Maybe that’s entirely the point. And maybe I should give myself permission to just do the thing that sounds joyful and exciting. I’ve been stifling it all year.
Our house remains pretty tidy downstairs because this is where I host my friends. But our upstairs is one giant mess. Like, it’s crazy. And I know admitting that my house is messy isn’t like, groundbreaking, but it kind of feels like it is to me. This is peeling off the glittery sheen—my downstairs is nice, but my upstairs is a shit show!!
I am hosting an at-home happy hour today, and it’s daylight savings themed! (Thank you to everyone who voted on this theme a few weeks ago!) But I haven’t really planned it like I have the other ones this year. An elaborate themed event felt overwhelming this month, so this one feels very thrown together and casual. Like I just figured out what we’re eating yesterday at like, 6pm. But I have to tell myself that this is exactly the point of an at-home happy hour. It’s going to be chill and perfect and relaxed, and there was no need for a crazy theme. I’m excited for it.
Moving forward, I’m hoping to both create and consume content and writing that embraces the mess a little more. That embraces fun over curation. (though let's be real, I love curated things hehe) To loosen the reins. It’s spring after all, and spring leads to summer—which is all about fun and letting loose. The vibe is having pride in the glittery sheen, and the courage to show what’s underneath it. Phew!
Next week, I’ll have another hosting post, sharing recipes from happy hour and breaking it all down—though I’m already thinking it may turn into an essay all about keeping things casual. A perfect fantastic way to embrace fun over perfectly curated :)
xx, Kristen
And if you want to hang more—you can find me on Instagram 🥰 This week I celebrated 1k subscribers here at Older, Wiser Hotter (!!), shared a personal story about life as an actor turned writer, and shared my Daylight Savings At-Home Happy Hour prep ☀️
I am working on a case study about Meghan and I am so confused about the idea that she's a perfectionist. I don't get that at all. I feel like she IS careful/measured in some ways because of the constant critique and criticism. I DO think that her show is like every lifestyle show warm, welcoming and easy. This type of show is inherently safe. If it was a cooking show I would expect it to be a little more of an aggressive style of storytelling (Anthony Bourdain 🥰😭😍) I also think the Californian aesthetic is not for everyone. Living close to the state there's a certain style that they have that IS NOT for everyone. I enjoyed the show (and have ranked the episodes) however I expect that in Season 2 she may take a few more risks.
Helloooo. You remind me of 20 something years ago "me" before I lost myself in lawyering and parenting. I love your content--and that you know what you like/love and are exploring these topics. Keep going!
I can't stand the Meghan hate. It's disturbing. I'm only halfway through the series (I MADE THE PASTA), but I consider it calm background TV. I'm not really paying attention but it's soothing (the aesthetics, oh my).
THIS: "maybe I should give myself permission to just do the thing that sounds joyful and exciting. I’ve been stifling it all year. " Permission granted! To you AND me. Lovely essay.